Professor Bayonetta
by Yakuzaman5
Summary: Dumbledore needs a new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Hiring an Umbran Witch seems like a good fit.
1. Chapter 1

"Dolores Umbridge?" McGonagall exclaimed, her voice incredulous. "Teach HERE?"

"I am afraid that is the case." Dumbledore said, his own tone grave. "I have not yet been able to locate a suitable candidate to fulfill the post. If I do not find a suitable person for the position before the end of the week, I will be forced to comply with the Ministry's demands." He shook his head. "It will be disastrous to allow Cornelius to place someone so close to him in our midst like this, but perhaps if we could sway her to our cause..."

"Sway her? Of all people?" She scoffed. "Cornelius is the one in control of the public opinion, and therefore has the most sway in national affairs. Umbridge would never do anything that would even risk her position-"

The door suddenly burst open. They both looked up in surprise, McGonagall whirling around to see the tall, shapely figure standing in the doorway.

She was outlandishly dressed, her cloak barely covering her skin tight white suit adorned with colorful feathers. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, an oddly simple style.

She strutted into the room, her heels clicking along the floor, her hips swaying from side to side with each step.

"Ah..." Dumbledore rose from his seat. "Jeanne! What a surprise!" He seemed quite shocked to see this woman, but he was also clearly very pleased.

"Ah, yes. It has been quite a while, hasn't it?" She seemed to almost purr as she slunk into the little wooden stool usually occupied by students. She kicked it aside, sending it spinning through the air, splintering upon contact with the nearby bookshelves, shattering it into several pieces as books began flying.

In its place, odd, white threads began to crawl out of the ground and began to form together to form what looked like a bizarre mash up of a plush armchair and a throne. She lay down on it, looking over at Dumbledore lazily. "It has been far too long." She said. She raised her leg up into the air and examined it. McGonagall looked on, at a complete loss of words.

"Yes, yes. I trust you bring us news of Voldemort's movements?"

McGonagall was suddenly brought down to earth with a smart crack. She glared at him.

"Well, not EXACTLY." Jeanne said. She lowered her leg and began to assume a proper sitting position. "Tereza has managed to breach Voldemort's defenses again. She will probably be able to follow his every move before he figures out what's going on." She grimaced. "You weren't joking. He really is a monster."

"I trust she's happy, then?" Dumbledore smiled. "I know just how much Bayonetta loves pushing herself."

"Well... that's just it, though." She leaned forward, her expression suddenly very serious. "Cereza is satisfied with breaching his barriers and following him around at the moment, because she's never really done anything quite like it before. But believe me... I know her better than anyone. The instant she gets bored, the instant it stops being fun for her... she'll reveal herself and attack him simply because she thinks she can handle it.

"Does Bayonetta believe that she can defeat Voldemort, then?" Dumbledore inquired.

Jeanne shook her head. "She says that she thinks the both of us would struggle." She scoffed. "I think she may have been baiting me to want to go after him ourselves, but I suppose there's a small chance that she wasn't joking. Voldemort isn't human."

"What are you saying?" McGonagall asked, aghast.

"Voldemort is more than just clever. He has amassed many new powers. Inferno is crazy about him, actually." She rolled her eyes. "It's getting far, far too rowdy there." She commented.

"But why have you come here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well... I think Cereza needs a new kind of excitement. She was very excited about challenging her wits against Voldemort. She was far happier than I've usually seen her, actually... but with Inferno starting to act up, I would feel much better if she was..."

"I see you're worried about her." Dumbledore commented with a smile. Jeanne, much to McGonagall's shock, flushed.

"That may be so, but I still feel that she would be better suited doing another kind of work. One where she won't potentially wreck everything you have worked for." She stood, the threads retreating into the ground... and, now that McGonagall had a better look, back into her own head. "It was nice meeting with you."

She rotated in a circle and vanished.

"Hmmm... a more laid-back operation, a challenge of wits...?" Dumbledore mused. He leaned back into his chair and stroked his beard. "Minerva... what would you say if we invited a Witch of the Umbran clan to teach here, at Hogwarts?

..

Harry gave a start as the train started to propel itself forward. He had almost fallen asleep.

"Harry, are you well?" Ginny asked. "You haven't been looking well at all..."

"Huh?" He looked over at her, blinking slightly. "What was that?"

"Harry, really." Ginny said, her voice concerned as she leaned in closer, observing him. "Ron's told me about your nightmares."

"They're nothing." Harry said, brushing off the comforting hand she placed on his shoulder. He stared out of the window. He had never felt more alone in the Wizarding World.

"Harry, we know..." She hesitated a bit, unsure of what she should say. "We know that Cedric dying was hard for you..." She shook her head. "No, it was hard for all of us."

He shook his head. "You don't understand."

"Actually, I'm very sure she does." Luna piped up. She had apparently been listening in. She lowered her magazine and stared at Harry, her gaze feeling as if it were penetrating his very soul. "Cedric was willing to help me on my first day, when I didn't have anyone to turn to." She looked back down. "I couldn't find any of my classes, you see, and he was happy to help."

"Yes, Cedric was someone to look up to." Ginny nodded. "Harry, remember what Dumbledore said? At the end of last term?"

He looked over at her, his face blank. "I-"

"Remember Cedric Diggory." She said. "Remember what You-Know-Who did. Remember what he took from you. What he took from us all."

As the train plowed on, Harry found himself starting to smile. True, there would be fights later. But he could overcome them, as long as he had his friends by his side.

And his conversation began to dull, as the train approached it's destination, he found himself catching up on some long lost sleep.

...

"Harry, I really do think you need to see Madame Pomfrey." Hermione was saying as they claimed the steps to the Castle. You are not getting any sleep, that can't be good for you..."

"I'm fine now, really." Harry said adamantly, as he stepped forward. "I'm just nervous, is all."

Hermione bit her lip. "Honestly, Harry... you've been saying that for weeks!"

Ron shot her a look behind Harry's back. "I'm starving!" He declared, clearly trying to change the topic. "What's going to be at the feast?"

"Treacle Tart... I love my Treacle Tart..." Harry hummed happily as they entered the Great Hall.

The hall was lavishly decorated with the usual colors, a sight that comforted Harry as he took his seat at the Gryffindor table.

"Who'd they get for the Defense position this year?" Ron asked, as he and Hermione sat down as well.

Hermione scanned the table carefully. "I don't-"

"It's that Umbridge woman!" Harry hissed. "She was at my hearing!"

"She works for Fudge?" Hermione asked. "No... that can't be right..." She anxiously began scanning the table, searching fruitlessly for any faces that stood out from the crowd.

Dumbledore rose to his feet as he beamed down at them all.

"Welcome back for another year at Hogwarts!" He said, cheerfully. "I am sure you all are anxious to watch the sorting, and afterwards, devour our delicious feast, yet I would like to say a few words before we begin..." He cleared his throat. "Enjoy." He sat down again. Harry snickered at Umbridge's expression as the first years were brought in, staring around them in wonder.

"What is that Umbridge woman doing here?" Hermione hissed. She seemed very uneasy. "A Ministry employee, here?"

Before long, the sorting had ended, and the feast appeared before them.

"He usually introduces new teachers before the feast, doesn't he?"

"Maybe that Umbridge woman isn't teaching?" Ron offered.

"Don't be ridiculous Ron. No one else is up there!"

"Now that you are all fed, I suppose it is time to introduce our new staff members." Dumbledore said. "Now, joining us here today is Dolores Umbridge, High Inquisitor of Hogwarts."

Whispers began to penetrate the hall.

"Now, I hope you all offer her a warm welcome. Now, on to the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, I have found-"

"Hem hem."

Umbridge had gotten on her feet, her stubby legs barely giving her any more height.

"Thank you, Headmaster, for those very kind words of welcome..."

A horrifying screech filled the air. People screamed as bats began swarming the great hall. Umbridge herself ducked under the table.

Only Dumbledore himself remained calm. He looked on, and somehow, his mere presence prevented an outright panic.

The bats all converged onto a single spot, where an explosion of black matter surrounded a single spot.

Then, a long black adorned leg stepped out from the shadows. A large, black heel stepped into the stone as a tall, beautiful woman dressed all in black appeared before all of them. Amazed murmurs filled the hall as the woman stood above them all, smiling lightly. Dumbledore got to his feet, and raised his hand towards her.

"May I introduce our-"

"newly inducted Defense against the Dark Arts Professor." She said. Smiling slightly, she threw her hands up in to the air and posed. It was like a spot light followed her wherever she went. " Professor Bayonetta."

…

"I still prefer Jeanne." Ron complained as they walked to their first Defense class for the year. Hermione scowled at him, possibly even more fiercely then usual.

"Who is Jeanne?" Harry asked. The name had been tossed around rather infrequently during his stay at Grimmauld Place, yet Ron had been making off cuff remarks about her ever since the Feast.

Hermione sniffed. "A member of the Order. She's nothing special, really."

"She's amazing, Harry!" Ron said, his face shining."

"In reality," She said, clearly annoyed. "She is pompous, arrogant, condescending..."

"-She's really funny." Ron said earnestly. "And she tells the coolest stories."

"All of which are lies."

"But she's an Umbran Witch." Ron countered. "They were known to do crazy stuff like that."

"Umbran Witches?" Harry repeated. He adjusted his glasses as they turned a corner.

Hermione tut-tutted to herself, as she looked over at Harry. "Honestly, Harry... don't you read?"

"Besides, we've discussed this with you before." Ron said. "Did you forget?"

"I suppose I did." Harry said. "Who are they, then?"

"Who were, they, you should say." Hermione coughed. "They are pretty much extinct."

"Extinct?"

"Died out, ages ago." She waved her hand vaguely. "No one can agree on the dates..."

"But Jeanne is one?"

"Apparently." She scowled again. "According to Sirius, anyway."

They fell silent as they stepped into the classroom.

It was chaos.

The windows lay in little glass pieces on the floor, right next to the broken and overturned desks.

Hermione let out a small scream. Pages of books were fluttering down from above.

"Ah, yes. Greetings."

Professor Bayonetta seemed to not be in the mood for dramatic entrances. Her feet, adorned with heels and guns, lay propper up on the desk, as she leaned back in her chair. She was holding a lollipoop, threading it in her fingers as she watched them from the door, smiling lightly.

"Come to me." She said, smiling slightly.

Harry found himself stepping forward first, and did not realize that Ron and Hermione had not moved at all until he was halfway across the room.

"Yes... that's right." She purred. She sat up in her chair, her long legs tucking neatly beneath the desk. She licked her lips as she flipped through the book of names on her desk. "And you would be..."

Harry swallowed. "Potter."

"Well met, Mr. Potter."

This was a very clear dismissal. Harry felt like his heart was a flutter as he turned and walked to a desk. To his annoyance, the ones in the front were already taken...

After Ron and Hermione were seated on either side of him (Ron looking rather starstruck, Hermione extremely annoyed) the entire class sat.

They watched the front of the room with bated breath. Backs straight, chest out (Harry had made sure to make an attempt to comb his hair when his back was turned!) Their eyes glued to the front of the room. Their new professor seemed to have that strange ability to keep a class silent without effort. She was sitting back in her chair, aloof, not even paying attention to them.

The tension in the air absolutely-

With a resounding crash, the desk soared across the room, slamming into the door. Harry instinctively ducked, pulling Ron and Hermione down with him under their own desk.

The pieces of the desk burst into a hundred pieces upon contact with the wall, wooden shards clattering to the floor like raindrops.

The sound of heels tapping across the floor reached their ears. Harry clambered back into his seat to face their Professor.

"Mice." She said to them. " They hide, they run, they feast on remains." She said. "Mice have no power over the world. They cannot control when they are born, what they have to eat, where they live, and what will eventually end them."

She stomped her foot. The water in the lake outside suddenly shot up into the sky, as if animated by her emotion.

"You are no different! Cowering from the strange, the unusual! Unable to comprehend anything different! Unwilling to try anything new!"

The entire class sat in silence, taking in her words. Harry stared at her, entirely taken in by her words.

"There is nothing you can do to change human nature. Nothing." She said, with a tinge of finality.

And then, slowly, right next to Harry, Hermione raised her hand.

"What is it?" She turned to face her, her heels clicking against the ground.

"But that's not true at all!" Hermione said. "We all-"

"None of you are able to control your fates." She said. "The world is complicated. Vast, far beyond human understanding." She adjusted her glasses. "To truly put an end to human suffering is impossible."

"Then what's the point?" Ron said. He got up out of his chair to glare at her. "If we're so worthless, why go on living?"

"I do it because it's fun." She said. She smiled. "That's not the case for all of you, I'm sure."

She turned once more, and strutted back to the front of the room. Harry, despite himself, could not quite pull his eyes away from her butt.

"Because it's fun?" Hermione said incredously. "What kind of answer is-"

"It is my answer." She said. "What you think of it means nothing."

"We're all different." Harry said. His friends looked at him, inquistively. "We all value different things, have different goals. But we all have one thing in common." He swallowed. "We are alive, and want to stay that way."

"Very good, Mr. Potter." She purred. "Your book, please?"

She raised her hand, and Harry, feeling rather anxious all of a sudden, reached into his bag, grabbed his copy of Defensive Magical theory, and got up to hand her his copy.

She threw it out the window.

"Knowledge cannot be truly taught." She said. "There are so many ways to look at things, as many ways of thinking as there are people. Wisdom can only be learned."

"So... teachers are worthless then?" Ron said dubiously.

She laughed. "Not completely, no." She teased. "This is just the message I want to imprint upon you, before we truly begin."

"... This entire debacle had a point?" Hermione asked.

"Yes." She did not elaborate any further. "Please understand that you, just like everyone else in this castle, will never learn everything there is to know. You must always keep pushing yourselves, beyond what your professors expect of you, past what your enemies expect of you, past what you yourself expect of you. I can not help you be the best you can be. Only you can do that."

She smiled, ass he raised the gun to her face and pushed up her glasses.

"Now." She said. "Let us begin."

…

Bayonetta smiled to herself as she set all of the books she had bought in Diagon Alley on the shelf. She struck a pose after finishing, rather pleased with herself, before remembering that there were more things she had gotten.

"Let's see..." She sorted through her bag, examining all of her new found toys. There were, of course, ingredients for Umbran potions. They were expertly packaged, but they needed to be properly stored. Bayonetta was used to simply using whatever she could find for her potions, and honestly had no idea where to start with storing some for future use.

But that was just it, wasn't it? Learning new things was an adventure, and she was absolutely loving it. Jeanne was right... she really did need to try something new with her life. Teaching was much more fun than she imagined. Kids were fun to mess around with, but she had been pleasantly surprised with how much they were willing to learn.

"There are no limits except those that you set for yourself." She would say. And they took it to heart, too.

She DANCINGLY DESCENDED upon the bag again, after setting the ingredients aside. Some prank items... (For those annoying twins, who never seemed willing to listen... although she rather thought they liked being scolded) a proper wand (Thirteen inches, crafted from a Cherry Blossom Tree, core of Madama Butterfly's hair)

She picked up the wand and waved it around, getting a feel for it. It was strange, using one after so long. She had not even touched one since she and Jeanne were children.

Lost in her thoughts, she began to dance absentmindedly. Humming her own tune, she began to move around the room.

She was having so much fun that she did not even notice the impatient knocking on her door. The window was open, and Bayonetta found herself looking out onto the open lake before she knew it. What did the Castle look like at it's highest point?

She crawled out the window and began climbing the side of the building. It was completely sheer, but Bayonetta was unfazed. Using windows as stepping stones in her jump, she was looking down upon the grounds before she knew it.

New things never failed to excite her, so she took the opportunity to look around before moving on. The Castle itself really was a masterpiece of a castle.

...

Bayonetta propped up her legs on the table. "The food here is excellent, Headmaster." She purred. "I do hope you'll allow me to come back for meals after I retire."

He chuckled. "Of course!"

"Excellent." She said. "I knew I liked it here for a reason. Your generosity knows no bounds."

She suckled on the end of a chicken leg as she leaned back in the chair. Snape looked disapprovingly up at her. "Please, Professor..." he said. "Have a little decency, for the children's sakes."

She broke off a piece of bone and threw it at him, almost like a child. "I've never claimed to be a role model." She said, her voice dismissive. "I'm a teacher, Professor. Not a parent." She bit down on the piece of chicken. "Mmmmm..."

"I agree with Professor Snape, Headmaster." Umbridge butted in, her voice even more sickingly sweet than usual. "They are rather impressionable..."

"Children like to learn new, and possibly dangerous, things." Bayonetta said coolly. "Of course they are impressionable. "

"Is that why you're exposing them to the Dark Arts?"

She threw another piece of bone, this time much more forcefully, slamming it straight into her forehead. Umbridge flinched, trying to bite down her temper."Children cannot learn," Bayonetta said. "If their teachers cannot stomach talking about the world around them."

"But my dear." Umbridge said, unphased by the small wound on her forehead, still smiling that sweet smile. "There is nothing to fear. The Dark Arts are a long dead tradition. Surely YOU of all people would know that better than anyone."

"Even if that were true..." She said, setting down the remains, and turning to face her. "That would not someone new from rising up and picking up where he had left off. You don't want students to be defenseless, do you?"

"But teaching them about the Dark Arts is, by your own admission, going to make them want to use that magic!"

"I would never..."

Over at the Gryffindor table, Ron smirked over at Harry and Hermione. "They're at it again, huh?"

"Yeah." Harry said, as Umbridge got to her feet, trying her hardest to look intimidating. Bayonetta simply sat slouched in her chair, looking unimpressed.

"They really don't like each other, do they?" Hermione asked, as Bayonetta adjusted her glasses before making yet another retort.

"At least Bayonetta is willing to stick up for us." Ron said.

It was true. The High Inquisitor, by an overwhelming amount of consensus from the students, had up and away the most trouble trying to exert her authority over the Defense against the Dark Arts classes. Not only would Bayonetta refuse to answer anything about her personal life. ("It's a secret to everybody, love.") she would go on with her classes as if she were just another one of her students... which, of course, meant lots of playful teasing and outlandish comments.

Even Professor McGonagall, who Harry would have thought to be the most unaccepting to Umbridge's behavior, couldn't quite compare... Not that she seemed to mind, if the frequent fist bumps she and Bayonetta exchanged whenver they crossed paths in the hallway were any indication.

"She seems to like the students.." Hermione commented. "I wouldn't have expected that from her, to be honest."

Umbridge, frustrated at Bayonetta's lack of cooperation, had tried interrogating Neville during the middle of the lecture about what he thought of her classes. It had not ended well for her.

"Yeah, I'd take her over Umbridge anyday." Ron said.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Hermione snapped at him.

...

Hagrid being gone was starting to really bother him.

"Where do you think he is?" He asked, for what felt like the hundreth time. It had become a sort of routine for them.

Hermione sighed. "He could be anywhere." She said gloomily. "I mean, he could be-"

Bang.

The class recoiled in fright as something splashed into the lake.

"Oh, not AGAIN." Grubbly-Plank moaned. "Doesn't that woman know how to keep it down?"

A violent splash of water erupted in front of them.

"You know," Ron said thoughtfully as they tried to continue on with the lesson despite the occasional violent splashes along the lake. "She could be doing anything in there and we wouldn't be any the wiser."

"Don't be ridiculous, Ronald." Hermione huffed. "Umbran Witches do their work in Purgatario so humans can't directly be harmed by the crossfire. I mean... she's not exactly shy, is she? If she was doing something ridiculous, she would let us know."

A tree broke in two, nearly crushing Hagrid's hut. Professor Grubbly Plank swore.

"We didn't have any problems with Angels before she started teaching here." Harry commented.

"We're beneath Paradiso, remember? They just don't care about us, most of the time. If what Bayonetta says is true, they're constantly working to eradicate humanity." Hermione said. "Bayonetta is-"

"Now, what's all this?"

The three of them turned to find Bayonetta standing some distance away, watching the scene from a distance.

"Professor!" Harry said. "But you're..."

Bayonetta blinked turned his head at him, frowning, before she turned back to the battlefield over the lake.

"Now, that is odd." She said to herself. "Now who are they fighting...?"

Sprinting forward, she blew past them and opened the gate to Purgatorio.

Another witch was there. Younger than her, by the looks of it. Bayonetta could catch a glimpse of long, black hair as the figure ducked and weaved in between groups of angels.

"You know," Bayonetta said, as she strode up to her. "I don't think the students much like the distraction."

The other witch whirled around, her cape blazing. "Wha-" She adjusted her glasses by pushing them up with her gun, and then got into a fighting stance. "Who are you?" She demanded. "And where am I?"

Bayonetta shook her head. "A simple hello would have worked wonders." She said. "But since you asked... I am Bayonetta."

"Bayonetta...?" The witch said. She spat derivesly. "Never heard of you."

"And I have never heard of you."

"The name's Cereza." She said bluntly. "Surely you know of it?"

She blinked. "I know it well..."

...

"So you're really not sure how you ended up here?" Dumbledore asked her gently. "I quite assure you... Before Bayonetta, it had been over five hundred years since an Umbran Witch passed through these walls."

"I already told you, old man!" She snapped. "I don't remember much... I just woke up in the forest back there." She jabbed her head out the window, clearly gesturing towards the Forbidden Forest. "I like it, by the way. Nice atmosphere."

He ignored the jape, instead peering at her. "I'm glad to hear you say that." He said. "I have often said that the forest holds many secrets for those with a mind open to learning."

To Bayonetta's amazement, Cereza blushed. "Oh... thanks." She said, mollified. "So... Umm... what was your name... sir?"

The word rolled oddly off her tongue. Men had no authority in Umbran culture, so therefore she was unused to treating a man with any form of respect.

"You may call me Professor Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore." She said, humming slightly. "Okay. I'll try and remember that."

She leapt to her feet. "So there are no other witches here?" She asked, casting Bayonetta a look.

"Not... Umbran Witches." Bayonetta said.

"Huh." She said. Looking around. "It really is a nice castle, too." She said. "I would have liked to stick around, if I had the chance..."

"You're not staying?"

"I can't." She said, shaking her head. "I have to go back to... back to my Mummy." Bayonetta felt a surge of strange feelings well up within her. Cereza looked troubled. "If you could give me directions to Vigrid, I'll be on my way immediately.

"Before dinner?" Bayonetta inquired. "Surely you're not in that much of a hurry?"

She scowled. "Do I look like I can't find food for myself?"

"I think..." Snape said, speaking at last. "that you should at least get a bearing on your situation before you leave the castle. Perhaps... find out how exactly you came to be here?"

"We are a long way from Vigrid, Cereza." Dumbledore said gently. "You are free to leave at your discretion, but I would strongly recommend you understand what you are getting into before you go."

Her stomach growled.

She laughed nervously. "I'm sorry..." She said. "I'm sorry, but... may I have dinner now?"

"The students are eating dinner now." Dumbledore said. "Bayonetta... please escort her to the Great Hall."

"Of course, Professor." Bayonetta said smoothly, as she strode towards the door. "Come along, little one!"

"Hey, I'm not that small... wait up!"

...

Her younger self was having a little bit too much fun, Bayonetta thought, amused, as Cereza spun around on top of the Gryffindor table.

"Alright, boys!" She chirped, as she slammed her heel down on the table, causing a stack of plates to bounce into the air. Spinning on one leg, she gracefully raised her leg into the air, placing the plates on her foot. Without stopping, her leg spun dangerously close to that of the students closest to her.

She did a flip, kicking the plates further in the air, and landed on her hands. Spinning round, she caught the plates with her feet and sent them flying, each of them neatly settling themselves in front of her admirers.

Grinning, she righted herself and took a bow. "Dinner is served!" She quipped, as she waved up at the teacher's table.

Bayonetta clapped politely alongside her colleagues, as she watched her slide in between the Weasley twins and take a plate for herself. She had indeed grown quite a lot...

"They usually serve us junk in Vigrid." Cereza confessed, as she took a piece of chicken for herself. "Hmmm... I don't even know where to start."

"How about this?" Fred asked, as he procured a piece of candy from his pocket. Cereza beamed.

"Candy?" She asked, clearly flattered. "Why, you sure know how to treat a girl, don't you?"

She took the candy, careful to slowly trail her hand across his as she did, and popped it into her mouth. She chewed it, a delighted look on her face... at least, until she started gagging on something.

"Blargh... wut..?" She looked down at her tongue, which had somehow swelled to over four time's it's usual size. Her eyes widened, as she got to her feet.

"Calm down." Fred said, as he took her arm and pulled her back. "It'll wear off in a few minutes."

She shoved him off, and with a huff, moved to sit by someone else, trying their best to ignore the laughter of the others. She slammed her heel again, causing a pot of gravy to soar into the air, and she lashed out, sending it straight towards Fred's face.

"When will she be leaving?" Umbridge asked. "Immediately, I would think, would be the best course of action."

"Whenever she is ready." Dumbledore replied, giving Bayonetta a look. "Have you spoken with her yet?"

"A fair bit." Bayonetta replied casually. "But I think she will be staying with us for quite a bit longer."

"How _much_ longer?" Umbridge asked. "I think one Umbran Witch in this school is more than enough, to tell you the truth."

"I do hope you're not threatening me, Professor." Bayonetta said, imitating Umbridge's high pitched chords. "I don't think your minister would like having to find someone to replace you."

"That's enough." Dumbledore said firmly. "Both of you."

Cereza had left Fred to clean himself up as she moved to sit over by Lavender and Parvati. "What was that thing?" She groaned, as she rubbed her tounge, checking to make sure it was perfectly normal. "Blech."

"Ton-Toungue toffee." Lavender explained, sympathetically patting her on the shoulder. "It's okay... they've gotten all of us at some point or another..."

"Good rule of thumb," Parvati said, leaning in. "Never, ever, ever take anything Fred and George offer you."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks." Cereza murmured, as she tried to wash the taste out of her mouth with a swig of juice. She raised her free fist into the air, and to the student's shock, her hair trailed up in the same movement, forming into a giant fist. They fists collided, crashing into each other with force enough to shake the table.

"Madama Butterfly?" Umbridge whispered, as she cast a wary look at Bayonetta. She was clearly not comfortable. "She has... already signed her contract?"

"Apparently." Bayonetta said, her eyes on the girl. "You have nothing to worry about, Professor." She brought up her own fist, and summoned Madama Butterfly, imitating the movement. "She's not the only Umbran Witch in the building... and far from the most powerful."

...

Cereza had a bit too much fun climbing up the staircase. "Whoooo!" She yelled, as she grabbed hold of the staircase with her feet. She hang there, upside down, watching the Gryffindors climb the staircase.

"Does she ever get tired?" Hermione asked, as she stifled a yawn.

"Nope!" Cereza said cheerfully, as she dropped down in front of them, landing neatly on the staircase railing. The three merely blinked at her, too exhausted to respond. "Who has time to be sleepy, anyway?" She raised her leg up behind her head, striking a pose. She looked rather like an exceptionally tall ballerina.

Ron was impressed. "Are all Umbran Witches like you?" He asked. Hermione smacked him. "What?"

Cereza turned their back to them, and shifted her entire body so that she was standing on her hands. She followed them up stairs, carefully balancing along the railing. "Why, of course." She said, stretching her legs wide. "I mean, we are an all female race. We have to attract mates somehow, right?"

Ron's eyes bugged out. Cereza giggled, and flashed him a wink. She flipped a couple of more times, ignoring Hermione's glare.

She stopped when she reached the top, and watched them approach. "Are you here for Bayonetta?" Harry asked, genuinely curious. She looked surprised. "Bayonetta...?" She mused, as she pressed her glasses up her face. "No. I... cannot remember why I am here."

...

"You know this girl." Dumbledore said. It wasn't a question.

"Nothing gets past you, Headmaster." She said, as she clicked her heels on her desk. "But yes. I do indeed know her. Better than anyone, I would think."

Her expression suddenly became harsh and cold. "However... she is several hundred years out of place." She said. "Her being here does not bode well for us." She pushed up her glasses with her gun. "Especially since she's unaware of just where... or should I say, when, she is."

"Then we will have to keep her here, then." He commented. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to look after while she's here..."

"Of course." She said. "You didn't even have to ask."

She stood up. "Could you please not tell Jeanne about this?" She asked. "It's for the best, I think, that they do not meet."

….

A/N

I'm back! After reading a fic where Jeanna is a teacher, I suddenly remembered that I myself had wrote this thing a long time ago! I had taken it down because it wasn't up to my quality standards anymore, but I managed to dig it back out again, remove the bits that didn't work, and then repost it for you guys. The original was actually quite popular, and I imagine some people were quite sad to see it go. I hope you all enjoy this new, re-worked version just as much!


	2. Chapter 2

The door to Devil May Cry slammed open.

"I'm hooome." Dante cried, as he stepped into the room. He kicked the door back into place, and spun his box of pizza on his finger. He threw the box against his desk, as he always did, and it slid neatly on top.

As always the store was completely empty. He was completely alone among his collection of demon heads and weapons. That did not particularly bother Dante, though… he didn't feel much like sharing the pizza tonight.

He checked his phone to make sure that he wasn't needed elsewhere, before he dug in. It was delicious. Extra cheese and pepperoni on a traditional, round crust. Not that flat, cardboardy crap they had at Pizza Hut. Real, doughy, delicious crust-

A knock came at the door.

Dante swallowed as he set the box aside, kicking it under his desk. "It's unlocked." He said, a little annoyed at the timing. He was open at all hours. Ordinary people would come in off the street during the day and the weirdos would come out at night. Right now it was dark out, so that in and of itself put him on his guard.

The door opened. A figure in a black cloak stepped into the room, its hood covering its face. Dante watched it, amused.

"Hey stranger." He drawled. "You're not from around here, are you?"

The figure bent its head. Whether or not it was a disrespectful gesture, Dante could not say.

"You are the Demon Hunter, correct? The handyman who will take on any dirty job…"

"Almost." Dante said. "I only take special jobs…"

The man stepped forward, his cloak rustling in the wind.

"You hunt demons, I am aware." The man said, as he stepped forward, closer to him. "But I mostly require information. And there are very few men that I think could even begin to point me in the right direction."

"Information?" Dante repeated, his head cocked to the side. "I'm not really sure I'm the best person to ask…"

The man raised his hand. It was a pale white and kind of gnarly. Dante stared at it warily. "I wished to ask you what you knew of… Angels."

Dante tilted his head to the side. "Did you see the sign out front?" He asked, a little on edge. "This is Devil May Cry. I don't deal with those. There are a couple of girls in Europe who would be better suited for that…"

"Ah yes, the Umbra Witches." The man said. "I am aware of them, but neither seem particularly interested in meeting with people like myself. I am having trouble tracking them down."

Dante shrugged. "Couldn't help you there either, man." He said. "I've never met either, personally… it's a shame too. I hear they're both total babes." He grinned. "It's only a matter of time until I deal with them. My own Mother was an Umbran Witch, you know."

The figure nodded. "Yes, I haveheard." He said. "That is one of the reasons I decided to approach you. But if there is really nothing you can do to help me…"

"No, nothing." Dante said lazily, as he leaned back in his chair. "If you're looking for Umbra Witches, I would say head to places that are closer to Paradiso than Inferno. Vigrid, maybe…. But other than that, I can't really help you."

"I see." The figure said, already turning to go.

"Wait."

The figure stopped.

"Why do you want to know about Angels, anyway?" Dante asked him casually. "They aren't something that people off the street just come in to ask about."

The figure turned around. Blood red eyes met Dante's.

"That is none of their business."

He stepped out into the dark and rain. Dante sighed, shaking his head back and forth.

"Woah, sorry for asking…"

…

Cereza's unexpected appearance at Hogwarts led to a rather odd decision among the staff. One day before breakfast the students sat, staring up at the stool before them with apprehension.

"She's being sorted?" Ron asked, sounding amazed. They had never had a sorting in the middle of the year before.

"Apparently." Hermione said, as she eyed Cereza. The girl was not standing in front of the stool quietly. In fact she was doing front flips in front of a group of older Ravenclaws.

The Sorting Hat was brought out, and Cereza immediately ran up and eagerly jammed it on her head. The hat did not hesitate.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

She yowled in joy and raced off to their cheering table. She leapt mightily forward and slid along the empty table as if it were a slide. When she got to the end she leapt and cartwheeled through the air, to amazing applause.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Honestly…."

"Cereza will join the Fifth Years in their studies!" Dumbledore announced, after the cheering. Hermione's face fell as Ron's lit up.

"Oh no…"

…

"As always, Miss Granger, impeccable work.. No wonder the boys like you. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione flushed scarlet as she sat down. Behind her Umbridge was scribbling furiously on her clipboard. Ron leaned in closer to her.

"Who is she talking about?" He hissed, sounding a little irritated. He yelped as a bullet slammed into his desk and ricocheted upward, slamming into a chandelier, causing glass to fall down onto their heads.

"Enough of that, Mr. Weasley." Professor Bayonetta said pompously, as she turned away from them and strutted away. "Keep your hands to yourself during class, please."

Ron scowled at her and pulled away, looking irritated. That did not stop him from staring at Bayonetta's behind, Hermione noted with annoyance.

From her other side Cereza leaned in, tapping her quill against the desk. "Are you going to take that, Granger?" She hissed. "Shove your heel in his face!"

She raised her leg above her head as if to emphasize her point and slammed it back down.

"Enough of that, little one." Bayonetta said coldly, as she turned to look at her. "Behave during class." Cereza scowled at her. "Ten points from Gryffindor."

Everyone in the class groaned. Cereza looked abashed for a bit, and seemed almost as if she were going to argue further, but Hermione shook her head furiously. "Don't aggravate her!" She hissed.

To her horror Cereza drew a gun and pointed it straight at Bayonetta's back. "I'll aggravate who I please!" She hissed.

It happened in an instant. They did not even see Bayonetta move. Cereza whirled backward as Bayonetta reached from behind her and grabbed her arms.

Cereza swung her leg around, trying to kick at the older woman, only for her opponent to dart her head backward. Cereza screamed in surprise as Bayonetta wrapped her arm around hers, and slammed her against the desk, face first. Cereza's glasses shattered under the force of the blow.

"Detention." Bayonetta said quietly as Umbridge jumped to her feet, quivering in fright. "Please be thankful that Professor Dumbledore won't allow me to do anything worse."

Bayonetta calmly let her go and strutted up back to the front of the glass. Cereza grimaced as she sat up, fixing her glasses with a tap of her finger.

"That woman really needs to get laid." Cereza huffed. Bayonetta smirked to herself, careful to not let the rest of the class see, as she strode back into the front of the class.

Cereza was one of the most energetic and flamboyant people that Hermione had ever met. Upon being brought up to the Girl's dormitories she had immediately started bouncing around the room, touching all of their things, walking along walls and generally being kind of a nuisance. She was, Hermione was not all that surprised to see, amazed that the girls shared a Tower with the boys.

"You mean you can invite them over?" Cereza asked, baffled. "Just like that?"

'Well… no, there are rules about that…"

"But you can hang out in the Common Room?"

"Yeah, but-"

Cereza seemed impressed by this. Hermione quickly realized that it was due to her own upbringing. Umbra Witches were often kept away from boys for a very long time, due to their nature of their work and powers. They were also forbidden from associating with their counterparts, the Lumen Sages, other than outside of designated holidays. Hermione, feeling a little bold, probed Cereza about the finer points of Umbran Life. Cereza was usually fairly happy to answer, a fact that shocked Hermione due to the infamously secretive Umbran clan, but was still rather evasive when it came to certain topics.

"What is your Father like?"

Cereza stabbed the meat on her plate far more roughly than was necessary. It cracked in two. "Father?" She repeated, as If she had not quite heard her. "What's a…. Father?"

Hermione knew her well enough by this point to tell that she was trying to dodge the question. Something in her face must have shown that, because Cereza turned away from her quickly. "My Father…" She said slowly, trying to find the words. "Is a businessman." She refused to elaborate any further. Hermione suspected that there was more to this story than she was letting on, but dropped the matter.

There was one curious thing that Hermione noticed about Cereza that had not been addressed. Not by Dumbledore, or Professor Bayonetta, or Cereza herself. If the Umbra Witches were extinct… where exactly did Cereza come from?

"Vigrid, of course." Cereza told her pompously, once Hermione brought the situation up. "It is our ancestral home. All of us are born and trained there." Hermione opened her mouth before shutting it again, the wheels in her head turning. Vigrid was, and had been for five hundred years, completely devoid of the Umbra Witches. The Umbra had been the mots badly effected in the Witch Hunts, and completely wiped out at the hands of muggles and the forces of Paradiso. Yet Cereza spoke as if they were still very much alive.

It was all so odd. Hermione, more than once, thought to ask Professor Bayonetta just what she thought of Cereza's background. Although usually extremely confident when addressing teachers, far more than so her peers, she shied away from addressing Professor Bayonetta. Her extremely unprofessional behavior, coupled with her incessant teasing, was increasingly making Hermione uncomfortable. It was so strange, but she was almost beginning to feel that Harry and Ron, who both were extremely fond of her, were doing both outpacing her in that one class. They both were quick to inform her that Professor Bayonetta was now one of their all time favorite teachers, and Hermione honestly could not see why.

"You cannot learn everything from books, Miss Granger." Bayonetta had told her once. "Think of reading as more of an introduction to new topics. Nothing trumps experience, especially when it comes to defending yourself. "

She had meant it as genuine advice, but Hermione had felt almost offended at her words. Bayonetta, it seemed, was rather like Snape in that see did not seem to view Hermione as an ideal pupil and showed no favor towards her. In fact, she seemed to view Harry as her favorite.

"Wonderful, Harry." Bayonetta purred, as Harry demonstrated a Patronus. "The first step to conquering your problems is facing your fears. You have a wonderful life ahead of you." Umbridge glared at her from across the room, but Harry flushed at the praise. "But you mustn't be complacent!" Bayonetta warned him. "The Patronus Charm is a powerful tool against Dementors, but I doubt it will do much against Lord Voldemort."

Umbridge stood up, her eyes flashing.

"Professor-"

Bayonetta raised her gun and fired. Umbridge yelped as the bullet slammed into the stone at her feet and quivered.

"The Dark Lord has very much returned." Bayonetta said loudly. "Regardless of what the…" She adjusted her glasses with the barrel of her gun, smirking, as she turned to face the wall, away from the class. "Fake News may tell you."

Despite Hermione's problems with the Professor, one thing about her never failed to impress her. How she was so easily able to put down any and all allegations against Dumbledore, against Harry, and against the debate on whether or not Voldemort had returned. In fact, she became even more aggressive about this point every time Umbridge came to sit in on their classes.

"The Ministry has seen no evidence that He-Who-Must-be-Named has returned-" Umbridge said, her voice sickeningly sweet.

Bayonetta fired off her gun again, causing Umbridge to leap back. "FAKE NEWS!" This time the entire class joined in. Umbridge turned, bright red and angry, and stomped out of the room.

The Ministry had been trying to get rid of Professor Bayonetta for weeks, but to no avail. The Minister, Bayonetta had informed them, was trying to pass a law to give the High Inquisitor more powers to dismiss teachers she did not approve of, but it had not quite passed just yet. It was only a matter of time until Bayonetta was replaced.

"The day they sack her is the day I stop coming to class." Ron complained, the day they had had this explained to them. Cereza, who had been just behind them, immediately agreed.

"Who in the three realities could they get to match her?" She asked, shaking her head. "No other Witch- Umbra Witch, excuse me- would bother to teach at a school." She turned to Harry. "We need to talk." She said. Harry flinched in surprise at her forwardness as she leaned forward and tapped his forehead. "About that."

"About my scar?" He asked blankly. Cereza nodded.

"About who gave it to you, yes." She said. She pulled away, playing with her hair a little bit. "Um, let's have lunch together. Just you and me."

Hermione stared at her, open mouthed, and Ron looked just as surprised.

"I don't like talking about that." Harry said shortly, turning away. Cereza frowned at him, tossing her hair back.

"Rude." She huffed, as she went on her way.

…

"Morning!"

Snape did not even look up from his brew of potion as Bayonetta kicked open his door. He adjusted his measurements as she approached, frowning at him.

"You are not easily distracted, Professor." She said. "An admirable quality in a Potions Master, to be sure." She paused. "You may be the best I've ever seen, in fact."

"Hm." Snape murmured, trying not to meet her eyes. Bayonetta, who was used to this treatment by now, decided to get straight to the point.

"I am curious, Professor. Have you heard of any new plots from our friend the-"

"This is not the time or place to discuss this, Professor." Snape told her icily. "It can wait until the next meeting." He paused. "But I suppose I must warn you that he is now very much aware of you and your friend."

Bayonetta's smile did not falter. "Ah, how exciting." She purred. "I am interested in seeing how he will try and get the better of two Umbran Witches... He is quite the resourceful young man!"

Snape, unused to hearing the Dark Lord referred to in such a way, did not return her sentiments. He felt that Bayonetta was taking the situation too lightly. From the very beginning she had considered the Dark Lord to be beneath her, an overall far lower threat than many of her other enemies in all three realities. She seemed to be toying with him, more than anything. And that, Snape felt, could easily end in disaster.

As if she had read his mind, she leaned forward and grasped his hand. "Don't worry so much, Severus." She told him. "I have everything under control."

…

The Gates of Hell was an unusual establishment in many ways. It was one of the very few places where denizens of all three realities could meet, converge, speak, and make plans with one another. Naturally the bar tended to attract some of the biggest scum and villains from all over.

It was a Wretched Hive, alright. Rodin thought to himself, amused. A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy…

His favorite customer Bayonetta had been away on business for quite a while, and so he had gotten to know a fair few more of his customers. Travis, a former assassin trying to get away from his past… Ayane, a ninja girl who kept trying to convince him that she was old enough to drink, and the man sitting across from him now. A hooded figure with flashing red eyes.

"Umbran Witches?" Rodin chuckled. "What makes you think I know anything about them?"

"I've been speaking with many who deal with such thing in search of leads. And all of my leads have led me here."

Rodin frowned. "Well, I'm not going to come clean just because you asked nicely." He growled. "I have nothing to say to you, punk."

The man did not seem to be intimidated. Although he had ordered a drink, he had not drunk from it at all. He had only come here to speak with the barman.

"Perhaps… this might interest you?"

He placed his hand on the counter and pulled it away. Rodin's eyes fell on the small, platinum colored ticket on the table and recoiled.

"You…"

He met the man's eyes and started to laugh. He laughed harder than he ever had before. The man simply sat and stared at him.

"Do you have any idea what this is?" Rodin asked. "What kind of shit you're getting into?"

The man bent his head. "I do."

Rodin grinned. "Well, I'm not one to turn down a challenge, but don't you think you are getting a little bit ahead of yourself? I don't even know your name, stranger."

"You can call me… Master."

Rodin's mirth fell from his face in an instant. "What?"

He grabbed the ticket in front of him and rose upward, above the bar. The man tilted his head up to look at him but did not move at all.

"You are going to regret that, punk." Rodin told him. "I'm going to beat you so hard that your own momma won't recognize you."

The figure smiled.

"There is no chance of that, Rodin." He said smoothly. "No chance at all."

Rodin cried out in surprise as powerful, white chains burst from the bar and wrapped around his arms, legs, and neck, sending him crashing down onto the bar. The bright red eyes of the man peered down at him as he struggled vainly.

"What-"

"It took me a while to figure out a way to restrain a fallen angel as powerful as you." The man told him. "Quite a while indeed. But I think it was worth it."

He raised his hand, and Rodin could see a long, thin wand there. The man toyed with it as he stared down at Rodin.

"Although powerful- possibly the most powerful being in all of the realities- you certainly were not prepared for the eventuality of someone rising to challenge you." The man told him. "You felt as if you were above everything that was happening around you. You did nothing to use your power to change the way the world turns."

He waved his wand and the chains on Rodin tightened.

"That is why I am your Master." The figure told him. "That is why you will grant me your powers. As the Angels of Old did for the Lumen Sages."

Rodin glowered at him. "You want to become a Lumen Sage?"

"No." The man denied. "I have no interest in serving Paradiso. That is why I have come after you… A fallen Angel. One whose powers best could serve my will."

"I am Lord Voldemort. And I am going to rule all three realities."

And then Rodin screamed.


End file.
